By Chuck Borsellino, PhD, PsyD
Howard Books (a division of Simon & Schuster)
www.howardpublishing.com
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020
800-858-4109
As a licensed psychologist and homeschooling mother of five beautiful children, I was very intrigued by the title of this book ($17.99), Pinocchio Parenting: 21 Outrageous Lies We Tell Our Kids. Both clinically and personally, I've seen many situations where parents lose their credibility by rattling off clichés and easy answers to legitimate questions and situations. But knowing how to answer these sometimes very difficult questions is easier said than done! I was afraid this might be another pop psychology book full of easy but shallow answers. How delightful to be so utterly wrong! Dr. Borsellino is both a minister and a licensed psychologist who brings a wealth of personal and professional experience to this issue. The writing is warm, witty, thought provoking, sometimes sad, and, most importantly, Biblically-based. Dr. Borsellino's faith is evident as he takes the reader through 21 lies that we tell our kids. Parents rarely intentionally lie to their kids, but when you look deeper at common phrases nearly every parent has uttered, it is easy to see the damage that can be done from our well-intentioned lies.
Many of these lies are things we have probably all told our kids, such as "It's the thought that counts" (the thought is important but is meaningless without loving action to back it up), and "You can have it all" (no, but you can strive to have what is most important and most valuable if you are willing to sacrifice what is less important and more superficial). And there are a few you might not expect, such as "Don't talk to strangers" (a lost child's best bet is to find a safe stranger, such as a mom with kids, and ask for help), and "Love will last a lifetime" (the feelings of love may come and go, but the deeper commitment of relationships is a choice that yields lifelong benefits). I enjoyed the wisdom Dr. Borsellino shared on many of these issues, some of which I have struggled through with my own kids, such as "It doesn't matter whether you win or lose. It's how you play the game." To teach our kids instead that their worth is not determined by winning or losing, but that they should also do their best, he offers several rules, such as:
- Never fear failure; fear bystanding.
- Never compromise your integrity for a victory.
- Never attempt to live up to their standards; exceed them.
- Never set goals so small that God has no room to show up.
- Never give up. Never give in. Never resign. Never concede.
- Never leave the field without learning one lesson to apply to life.
Each chapter starts with a description of the lie and shows the harm that it can cause, and then it gives the truth and how to teach the truth to your children. These lies and clichés are so tempting because there is often a nugget of truth in them, but they fall far short of the whole story. I found this book to be challenging, enlightening, encouraging, and interesting. If you want to help your kids strive to be all that God intends them to be, then I highly recommend this excellent parenting tool!
Product review by Dr. Anne Margaret Wright, The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, LLC, March 2007
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